We’ve lost a good friend. A great mate in Jim.

It’s a sad day for our club. The outpouring of grief has run deep in the community and in our football club. My tears flowed yesterday with Jim’s dad and brothers. There’s no question that Jim has had an impact on us all. Whether a trainer or doctor, a coach or director, a player or a fan it has been a genuine privilege to know our good mate Jimmy. We are proud of him, of what he achieved in footy, the community, and in our club.

Few words can express what we feel for his beautiful wife Sam, kids Matisse and Tiernan. His mum Tess and dad Brian and all the family. Our hearts go out to them.

Whether we’ve known Jim up close or from a distance his loss can affect us in many ways. Feelings may run deep, tears, shortness of breath, numbness (and not feeling anything), blanking out, even renewed personal memories and sadness of loss from years ago may be experienced.

In a world which seeks to “hurry up” grief and sweep its affects away at any chance can I encourage you to always allow grief to take its course. Don’t rush it. Don’t smother it. Don’t ignore it. Just go with it. If you need a walk, take a break. If you need to pull over, stop the car. Be kind to yourself.

Suppressed grief has devastating effects on us humans - young and old alike. When we allow the feelings and effects of grief to work through naturally we adjust to life much better.

Understanding Our Grief & Loss

While loss affects people in many different ways, many people experience the following symptoms. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal.

• Shock and disbelief - Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.

• Sadness - Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable. This is normal.

• Guilt - You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness, or why you survived illness and they didn’t). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.

• Anger - Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.

• Fear - A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.

• Physical symptoms - We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, blanking out and insomnia.

Any or all of these reactions are normal. For some people they last a little while, for others they may last longer. There is no formula.

Practical Instructions Consider the following ideas for managing these tuff times:

• Be gentle with yourself, don’t expect too much. Your body and soul need repair.
• Accept help when offered and seek help if a problem is unresolved.
• Give your body rest. When possible, go to bed earlier.
• Get together with friends. Focusing on others will help you deal with the pain. Lean on your family and friends for support - “Talk”
• Be patient. If you feel depressed for a while, it’s ok.
• Learn to express your feelings, talk, write, sing, post on Facebook, exercise, and cry.
• Good nutrition is important. Avoid junk food.

Emma George, the Thunderbirds Netball Chaplain sent me a SMS yesterday, “God is near to those who have a broken heart. And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18. May that be our prayer for Sam and the family at this very sad time. Rest in peace Jim.

Your friend,

Cam